Alright folks, I’m going to be turning the big 50 next week, and golly, that sure makes me feel older. However, when is the last time you heard a young person use the term “golly”? I guess it’s safe to say that I’m not a youngster anymore. That part stinks. However, I can say that I am a lot wiser than I used to be, and only that comes from age.

So, if any of you young whipper snappers want to get a leg up on your competition in the wisdom department, it’s your lucky day. Right now, in this article, I will release the top 10 odd things I learned in my 50 years on this rock.

Okay, here it goes… in reverse order:

10) 6-pack abs means nothing if you have an old bald head

9) The more weight you gain, the smaller you appear (below the belt)

8 ) Every year after 35 the stains on the back of your underwear get bigger and are less likely to wash out

7) The more hair you lose above the neck, the more hair you gain below the neck

6) At 40, your feet will look nothing like they did at 20

5) Somewhere around 40-45, your breath will stink at will, just not your will

4) Remember those ugly skin tags on your Dad? Well, they will be paying a visit

3) Passing gas becomes less embarrassing and more of a conversation piece

2) The typical 3 dots of pee that always end up on the toilet seat now end up on the front of your pants

1) Instead of scratching that terrible itch in your butt, you’ve discovered that passing gas does the trick with much less energy

There you have it. Take heed, or just welcome it. Heck, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway.

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